Bill Clinton is now suggesting that the way to bring more jobs back to American shores is to cut corporate taxes. This from the man who gave us NAFTA! I guess that giant sucking sound was just Monica Lewinsky.

And while CNN is busily re-trying the Casey Anthony murder trial, FOX News is actually talking about the debt ceiling. Kudos! I'm not sure if it's fair and balanced, but at least it's news.

Otto von Hapsburg, former monarch-in-waiting of Austria-Hungary, has died at the age of 98. On his deathbed, Otto claimed his only regret about the record-breaking (and unsuccessful) wait for the throne was that it would soon be surpassed by Prince Charles.

Now that his divorce is final, Tiger Woods' golf game is starting to improve. I guess he just needed some financial incentive.
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Or maybe it was just that 100 million dollars weighing him down.
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In spite of all evidence to the contrary, Rush Limbaugh is still saying the President is a foreign-born Muslim. I guess as a fat, thrice-divorced drug-addict, he's used to ignoring the truth.
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My mother used to talk to our animals. She and the cats, especially, would have these conversations where they'd complain about us kids:
"We're so hungry," Mom would say in her falsetto cat-voice. "Why haven't the girls fed us?"
Then she'd answer:
"I don't know, Kitties. They promised they'd take care of you, but I guess they just forgot."

It was the kind of sneaky, passive-aggressive thing that I hated when I was a kid. I mean, if the cats had a problem, why didn't they just come to us?
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And it didn't matter if the animal was appealing or not: Mom knew what it was thinking. I remember one day, I got so fed up. Mom was telling me that a spider in our yard had given her a dirty look, and I knew I had to try and put a stop to it.

"Mom," I said. "You shouldn't anthropomorphize spiders. They hate that!"
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Back in Black

I was reading news headlines on the Internet today. A Massachusetts man was rushed to the hospital, complaining of breathing problems, only to find that there was a half-inch pea plant growing in his lung. The next headline was from the Chicago Tribune. It said, Health Tip: Chew Your Food. I thought, "Too bad they didn't run that in the Boston Herald."

Once again, Fox has fallen for a fake news story - this one about a woman named "Jenny" who took revenge on her boss by posting a series of unflattering whiteboard comments on YouTube. I think Fox News needs to update its slogan to "Not Good - Just Fair."

Due to a family emergency, I'm giving myself a couple of days off. I am NOT giving up on this blog! I'm just going to extend the deadline a little. Believe me, there's got to be plenty of humor - even if it's a little dark - in all of this.

No one in her right mind ever signed up to be a mother. You spend your days taking care of someone who yells at you, criticizes your cooking, and spends your money like it grew on trees, and your nights worrying that they’ll never come home again.

Being a housewife may not be a glamorous job, but it does have its perks: no dress code, no time clock, and you get to sleep with the boss.

The word is that General McChrystal has gone to meet the President with his resignation in hand. Well, you know what they say: The truth will set you free.

Considering how hard it's been for us to train the regular Afghan army, it kinda makes you wonder if the recruits we're getting weren't good enough to get into the Taliban.
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According to the New York Times, "culinary bachelor parties" are all the rage among the soon-to-be-married. Culinary bachelor parties?? Sounds like some guy's lame excuse gone wrong:
"I never even looked at the waitresses, Honey. We went to Hooters for the excellent cuisine."
"Bros-icing-bros, a drinking game? Nooo. I was checking out the frosting for our wedding cake."
"I didn't go out drinking. It was a wine tasting party."

But of course, Pat Robertson had to weigh in on the whole culinary bachelor party thing. He said that this is what happens when you allow gays to marry.

What if the same thing happens with gays now serving openly in the military? God only knows what they'll do to the MREs. (Wait a minute...)
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Finally, good news from the gulf! Turns out that crude oil makes a great sunscreen. And water screen, and air screen...
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A professor at the New School for Management and Urban Policy has started a farm in the South Bronx to encourage children there to eat more healthily. I think that's great. I mean, why should only rich kids be able to turn their noses up at vegetables?
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Speaking of food, I subscribe to an on-line food newsletter that has some really great ideas in it. Today's was a parfait made of alternating layers of apricot puree and yogurt. Honestly, I've never seen baby food look so good.