Okay, still Day One here, and I'm starting to think 10 jokes a day is overly ambitious. I mean, how many writers do Jay Leno or David Letterman have on staff? And I'm thinking I'm going to crank out 10 a day?!? Still, I've got to shoot for something, right? And after an hour at the gym, I think I'm ready to crank out some more:

President Obama is really getting worked up about this oil leak down in the gulf. Last week, he even said he was "looking for somebody's ass to kick." Considering that the symbol of the Democratic Party is a donkey, he probably figures HIS ass has been kicked enough.

Why does anyone think that self-esteem is the key to success? I serve lunch down at the homeless shelter, and let me tell you, there is NO lack of self-esteem in that place. The guys in line try to flirt with me, asking if I'm married. Oh, yeah. Like, if asked what things I was looking for in a husband, broke, smelly and toothless would be at the top of my list.

If you lose your temper when you don't roll a strike, do you have Irritable Bowl Syndrome?

My dad's 91 now, and he's always finding new ways to get my attention. Last week, he said that he hadn't heard from me in three days, so he thought maybe his phone wasn't working. Then this week, he asked me to call because he wasn't sure my phone was working. A friend of mine told me her mother did the same thing. Where did they get these ideas, The Old Folks' Guide to Passive-Aggression?