I made an appointment for a colonoscopy next week. The receptionist asked me which of the two doctors I'd prefer. I said I wanted the one with the quietest laugh. Failing that, I'd take the one without Internet access.

Speaking of doctors... When I saw my ENT last year, he had to get some wax out of my ear to see the eardrum. "All those years of medical school," I laughed, "and this is what you end up doing?" "Oh, it gets better," he said. "Sometimes I get to pick boogers out of people's noses." I think he must have chosen his future profession at the age of 8.
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I guess Reggie Bush, running back for the New Orleans Saints, has been letting himself go since he left USC. He can't even outrun the IRS any more.
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Due to the tough economy, Loyola's law school has decided to raise the grades of all its students this year, regardless of performance. Loyola said it would make their graduates more attractive to potential employers, since learning to stretch the truth would no longer be part of new hires' on-the-job training.

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After several controversial drug busts, the medical marijuana business has finally taken off in California. Call it, The Hempire Strikes Back.

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A day care center in Louisville has been banned from taking children on field trips after one of its 2-year-old students was left at the local zoo. The day care owners said the child's ID bracelet had come off, making it impossible to know that one of the kids in their care was missing. Apparently, counting the children was too much to ask...

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I see that, once again, Rolling Stone magazine has gotten someone in trouble - in this case Gen. McChrystal - by persuading him to tell the truth on record. What are their reporters using in their interviews, truth serum?